Do you love fighting? I hope not. Do I love fighting? Definitely not.
Then why do we fight? Why do we argue? Why do we get into fights with the ones we love? The more we love someone the more we fight with them? Why?
Because sometimes we don't agree with what the other person says, or because we don't like what they do. Something or the happens and we get into fights.
I am so scared of fights that whenever I get into a fight with a close one, I get scared. I get scared that I'd lose them, that they'll go away from me. I don't take fights in a positive sense at all. Can fights be taken in a positive sense? I don't know. Because when we fight, it never feels good.
I've been fighting with him since 2-3 days now. Everyday, we fight over some new topic. Sometimes its about his job, sometimes its about some stupid thing I did or something that he did. Things get so weird for me because I get scared and I can't help it. Why do we have to make compromises in relationships? Every time one has to compromise for the other. Why can't we just live without compromises? These things make the relationships so complicated. You do something, then the other is not happy and then you do something for their happiness but you really are not that happy. One always has to adjust. But why do we have to adjust? Why can't things be a little easier? Why does every part of living has to be tough? Whatever we do, one of us is always a little upset with things. But this does not mean we don't love each other. We do. A lot. We just have to meet to forget it all. We just meet and see each others faces and all the sadness goes away and it feels like nothing was ever wrong. Every time we fight or every time one is upset or angry with the other, we meet and it all goes away.
But knowing this does not help us when we fight. I feel pathetic when we fight and I know he feels the same too. I know he does not like it at all. But having different opinions and wanting different things spoils it all. He does everything to make me happy. He thinks about me all the time and if I'm not happy with something, he gives it up for me. That is one reason why he's in Delhi today. But I am just way to selfish about him, I just can't do anything because of which I'll have to live away from him. I feel pathetic when he does something for me but I can't do the same for him. It only makes me question myself. And the only thing that I know after that is that I don't want to lose him. But what if I have to? Will I ever have to let him go? I hope not. But if I don't want to lose him then I will have to adjust with things and I get scared when I think of adjusting, because I can't be happy with it and he just gets to know about it.
How am I even supposed to manage all this? Just think that everything will be alright and let it be? How can things be alright if we don't do anything to make it alright?
And again, I have no answer, no solution. Just questions and confusions.
