Life Is Mean And Tough!!

I write because I like writing. I write because when I read my diary after a year or 5 years I will remember how I felt when I wrote whatever I did. Because maybe after a year or 5, I will not be the same person I am today. I maybe a little more mature physically..mentally..emotionally or maybe not. I know I'd laugh at most of the things I wrote. Like today I laughed at one of my posts in which I wrote about getting Cancer and dying. What the hell was I thinking? I thought about deleting that post but then I thought, Why should I? I wrote it that time because I really felt it and I should not be ashamed of what I feel or what I felt. I can laugh at it but not be ashamed of it. I don't even know if I'd be alive to read all this. But my family and friends would know. They would know what,how,why I felt about things.
                                      This is one of those times when I don't know what to write but I know I want to write. I am happy and I'm not happy. Everybody is like that. We are all happy and unhappy in life..with life. There are somethings we are happy about...and there are somethings we are not happy about, but we can't change that. We have to live through it no matter what. Nobody is going to change their course of life for you. And when they get a chance, they are going to blame you for a lot of things, but whats important is that you don't blame yourself and you don't regret anything that you do. Happiness comes later. I hate it when people keep telling me what I have and they don't have, that I'm luckier and blah blah...but honeslty, they can't say all that, because they are not living my life.
                                      Today I'm happy I have somethings..some people in my life but I'm unhappy about a lot of other things. I talked to my mom and I cried my heart out infront of her and I just realized that the only person I'm comfortable crying infront of is my mom. Everybody is. But my mom is literally the only person I'm comfortable crying in front of and yes, ofcourse, my "him". Now getting back to what I was trying to talk about. For one moment I lose all my hopes but after sometime I tell myself that God will help through all the ups and downs. No matter how tough History Hons is for me because its definitely not what I wanted to do. I still cry for not being in a situation to do Mass Comm. No matter how tough things get with my brother, my dad. If they don't understand what I feel..how I feel..why I feel, there are some people who understand that and I can talk to them and feel my best. I just have to let things go. And will hopefully keep the psychiatrist away.
                                    At times I can be so very moody. Why? because when I want a hug I don't get it. Because all my favourite people are away. Yes, him too. Life can be so mean and tough. But then what I always forget to think is that when they are away for me, I too am away for them. When they want a hug from me, they don't get it and it upsets them too. It upset "him" too. Life is mean and tough for him too. 
So here's what I know I want to say to life... You want to be tough? I'll be tougher!!!

Maybe not Forever..

It had just been 10 months of him and her...they were still crazily in love with each other...but the long distance was giving her a tough time and they were facing a lot of problems too. Everyday fighting, arguing, frustration and irritation was giving them a tough time. She had started doubting herself. She didn't know if she could handle all of it. All she knew was that she wanted to be with him...forever! But knowing the fact that she will not be able to be in a normal relationship with him was giving her a headache. She didn't think of anything other than him and the long distance. She just wanted her life to be easier...she just wanted to face all the other problems with him by her side, but he said, It may not happen. He told her if he gets placed in Bangalore then his parents will most probably shift to Bangalore too. And she knew that meant the chances of him visiting Delhi could be very less. He may not visit at all.
                                                          She kept thinking, I want him. I can't live without him. I love him. But I want him here...in Delhi. Not some other place away from me. I can't just talk on calls and whatsapp all the time or skype. That is not real. And I want it to be real. 
                                                          How can life be so unfair, she thought. She was angry with him...with herself...with God. She told him that it'll be the end of their relationship if he gets placed in Bangalore. And just like that her hopes of being with him forever were dead. She told him, Maybe we are not meant to be the forever.