I write because I like writing. I write because when I read my diary after a year or 5 years I will remember how I felt when I wrote whatever I did. Because maybe after a year or 5, I will not be the same person I am today. I maybe a little more mature physically..mentally..emotionally or maybe not. I know I'd laugh at most of the things I wrote. Like today I laughed at one of my posts in which I wrote about getting Cancer and dying. What the hell was I thinking? I thought about deleting that post but then I thought, Why should I? I wrote it that time because I really felt it and I should not be ashamed of what I feel or what I felt. I can laugh at it but not be ashamed of it. I don't even know if I'd be alive to read all this. But my family and friends would know. They would know what,how,why I felt about things.
This is one of those times when I don't know what to write but I know I want to write. I am happy and I'm not happy. Everybody is like that. We are all happy and unhappy in life..with life. There are somethings we are happy about...and there are somethings we are not happy about, but we can't change that. We have to live through it no matter what. Nobody is going to change their course of life for you. And when they get a chance, they are going to blame you for a lot of things, but whats important is that you don't blame yourself and you don't regret anything that you do. Happiness comes later. I hate it when people keep telling me what I have and they don't have, that I'm luckier and blah blah...but honeslty, they can't say all that, because they are not living my life.
Today I'm happy I have somethings..some people in my life but I'm unhappy about a lot of other things. I talked to my mom and I cried my heart out infront of her and I just realized that the only person I'm comfortable crying infront of is my mom. Everybody is. But my mom is literally the only person I'm comfortable crying in front of and yes, ofcourse, my "him". Now getting back to what I was trying to talk about. For one moment I lose all my hopes but after sometime I tell myself that God will help through all the ups and downs. No matter how tough History Hons is for me because its definitely not what I wanted to do. I still cry for not being in a situation to do Mass Comm. No matter how tough things get with my brother, my dad. If they don't understand what I feel..how I feel..why I feel, there are some people who understand that and I can talk to them and feel my best. I just have to let things go. And will hopefully keep the psychiatrist away.
At times I can be so very moody. Why? because when I want a hug I don't get it. Because all my favourite people are away. Yes, him too. Life can be so mean and tough. But then what I always forget to think is that when they are away for me, I too am away for them. When they want a hug from me, they don't get it and it upsets them too. It upset "him" too. Life is mean and tough for him too.
So here's what I know I want to say to life... You want to be tough? I'll be tougher!!!
This is one of those times when I don't know what to write but I know I want to write. I am happy and I'm not happy. Everybody is like that. We are all happy and unhappy in life..with life. There are somethings we are happy about...and there are somethings we are not happy about, but we can't change that. We have to live through it no matter what. Nobody is going to change their course of life for you. And when they get a chance, they are going to blame you for a lot of things, but whats important is that you don't blame yourself and you don't regret anything that you do. Happiness comes later. I hate it when people keep telling me what I have and they don't have, that I'm luckier and blah blah...but honeslty, they can't say all that, because they are not living my life.
Today I'm happy I have somethings..some people in my life but I'm unhappy about a lot of other things. I talked to my mom and I cried my heart out infront of her and I just realized that the only person I'm comfortable crying infront of is my mom. Everybody is. But my mom is literally the only person I'm comfortable crying in front of and yes, ofcourse, my "him". Now getting back to what I was trying to talk about. For one moment I lose all my hopes but after sometime I tell myself that God will help through all the ups and downs. No matter how tough History Hons is for me because its definitely not what I wanted to do. I still cry for not being in a situation to do Mass Comm. No matter how tough things get with my brother, my dad. If they don't understand what I feel..how I feel..why I feel, there are some people who understand that and I can talk to them and feel my best. I just have to let things go. And will hopefully keep the psychiatrist away.
At times I can be so very moody. Why? because when I want a hug I don't get it. Because all my favourite people are away. Yes, him too. Life can be so mean and tough. But then what I always forget to think is that when they are away for me, I too am away for them. When they want a hug from me, they don't get it and it upsets them too. It upset "him" too. Life is mean and tough for him too.
So here's what I know I want to say to life... You want to be tough? I'll be tougher!!!
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